I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Come see our sink grown plant.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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