i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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