I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
