Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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