So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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