I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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