pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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