Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize