Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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