so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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