literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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