Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
