So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
