you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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