our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
