member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize