Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
