I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
