Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
