I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
