yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
