There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
