hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
