I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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