I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
