if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
