You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
