Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
