The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
