Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
