I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
