My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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