Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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