thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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