I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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