DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
