woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
