she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
