Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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