Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
