I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
