Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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