Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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