do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize