I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
