I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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