You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
