well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
