I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize