what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
