toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
