I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
