Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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