Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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