Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
