she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
