My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
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