The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
These tits shall not be calmed
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
