and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
