I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
