my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
