a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
