I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
