So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
