I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize