dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
so much tequila, so little girl.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
