there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
