Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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