apparently the secret to your success is patron
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you didnt know i had herpes?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
