She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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