How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
