Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
