Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
