Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize