everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
