I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
