I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
