Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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