The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
