im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize