you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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