"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
