if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize