She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
