Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize