Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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