Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
