My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
