If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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