we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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