I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
