Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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